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Author Topic: Anyone write?  (Read 41075 times)
Pyrodap
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« Reply #15 on: January 01, 2005, 04:43:24 AM »

Yeah I'm a wannabe writer - actually I want to be a proffesional screenwriter. So I guess I could post a short story or two... Maybe even the first few scenes of the screenplay I'm working on, "Winnebago Boys."
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adosorken
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« Reply #16 on: January 01, 2005, 05:02:41 AM »

All of my writing goes into my game story design. Cheesy
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I'd knock on wood, but my desk is particle board.
Mech1031
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« Reply #17 on: January 01, 2005, 03:20:55 PM »

Here is that start i was working on.  thought i'd post it just for the hell of it.  the first part in the "<< >>" is something that is addressed later on in the story, i put those in all my stories for some reason Tongue

Quote

<<Thunder shattered the silence of those empty halls…
A handful of people would have called it the sound of inevitability
But I knew what it was.  It was hell, and it was knocking on our door…
>>

*  *  *
A voice called out from the bar into the men’s room, “Ben, are you going to finish that round, or am I gonna hafta finish it for ya?!”
“Very funny guys- oh no, not again…”  the sound of gagging can be heard.
“Well, when you quit puking your guts out, get out here, you got a visitor!”

Ben staggered out of the stall with a brand new stain on his business shirt.  He batted it with a paper towel a few times to wipe it off, but to no avail.  The water from the faucet ran cold, but he could care less.  He splashed it on his face as if it were some magical liquid that would make him sober again.  A light tingle fell over him for a moment, but it faded rather quickly.  After a few effortless tries to dry his face with the hand dryer, he walked out of the men’s room and back into the chaos that was, the bar.

“Ok guys, who’s here to see me?”
”Some outa towner, he’s over there with the whiskey”

Ben walked over awkwardly and sat down next to him.  He had never seen the stranger before, but he looked vaguely familiar.  Maybe a name would help.

“You uh, wanted to see me?”
”…that depends.”
“…depends on what?”
“are you Ben Prescof?”

Who is this guy anyway?  And how did he know my last name?

“yeah, it is.”
“I can’t tell you my name, or why I’m here.  I was only sent to give you a message.”

Okay, now I’m amused!  Oh great one, tell me the message, tell me so I can share this wisdom that is so great, I needed to hear it at 2:00am in a bar after getting wasted!

“Things aren’t what they seem…”
I’m shaking in my boots…
“In the near future, you will have to make a very hard decision.  One regarding your life against someone elses.  Don’t be a hero…”
oh nooo…someone please help me, the spooky man says I’m going to make a decision.  Pfft, I’m ending this now so I can go home and get some sleep…
“Look buddy, I don’t know who you are, where you came from, but I do know this.  I don’t need to take advice from henchmen.  And I suggest you get outta my town before I show you a decision your not gonna like.”

The man got up and started to walk away.  Ben seemed satisfied that he could drive someone off in his drunken state.  The man studdered for a moment, and turned his head.

“when you regain conciousness, remember this visit…” and he continued out the door.

Ben sat dumbfounded, he didn’t understand what he meant by “regain conciousness”.  Just then, a bottle of schnapps fell off the top shelf and was hurtling toward bens face.  He stared at it obliviously for the half a second it took for the bottle to hit him and said to himself “well now, this can’t be good.”
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the mind is a beautiful thing, use it and make the world a more beautiful place.
Pyrodap
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« Reply #18 on: January 01, 2005, 07:31:50 PM »

oooh i like that - very strange... but the "things aren't what they seem" - isnt that from the matrix? anyway i like it! i want to read the rest...
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Radical Raccoon
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« Reply #19 on: January 01, 2005, 07:48:34 PM »

The start of your story looks good, although it reminds me of something...I can't remember what.


Quote
After a few effortless tries to dry his face with the hand dryer, he walked out of the men’s room and back into the chaos that was, the bar.


I get confused on this sentence. Effortless tries to dry his face? Did he succeed in drying his face? Or do you mean "useless" tries? Wasn't their a paper towel dispenser somewhere, since he used a paper towel to wipe his shirt?

I'm not trying to get technical. I'm just trying to help in letting you know what I thought while reading this story.


Quote

 The man studdered for a moment, and turned his head.


I'm confused here too. Studdered isn't a word, is it? I guess you meant  'stuttered', but that dosen't make much since, unless you meant 'stumbled'?



Besides that, it's a good start Cheesy
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Mech1031
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« Reply #20 on: January 01, 2005, 07:57:11 PM »

hehe, thanks for those catches radical racoon.  like i said, it's just a start, and not revised either.  

Quote
I get confused on this sentence. Effortless tries to dry his face? Did he succeed in drying his face? Or do you mean "useless" tries? Wasn't their a paper towel dispenser somewhere, since he used a paper towel to wipe his shirt?


I meant to say something along the lines of useless there Tongue

Quote
I'm confused here too. Studdered isn't a word, is it? I guess you meant 'stuttered', but that dosen't make much since, unless you meant 'stumbled'?


This seemed to be an unfinished thought.  i assume i meant to say: "The man stuttered in his walk and turned his head to the side.."

Quote

Besides that, it's a good start

Thanks  Cheesy
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the mind is a beautiful thing, use it and make the world a more beautiful place.
jsmith71
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« Reply #21 on: January 01, 2005, 08:10:21 PM »

Yep, definately looks good so far, as was already pointed out there are a few rough spots-- But like you said, it's not revised, so that's fine.
Interesting indeed, post more when you finish it! :wink:
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Mech1031
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« Reply #22 on: January 01, 2005, 08:14:38 PM »

Quote from: "Josiah Tobin"
Yep, definately looks good so far, as was already pointed out there are a few rough spots-- But like you said, it's not revised, so that's fine.
Interesting indeed, post more when you finish it! :wink:


awesome, i'll be sure to have the first chapter finished by the 4th.   thanks for you compliments, and your story josiah (the one that was on TBN) is a very awesome story ineed :wink:
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the mind is a beautiful thing, use it and make the world a more beautiful place.
NovaProgramming
Been there, done that
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« Reply #23 on: January 05, 2005, 10:10:20 AM »

Anyways, I'm thinking about being an English Major, and I've been writing stuff pretty much all of my life.  I wrote a "Novella" as well like three years ago in eighth grade that's about seventy pages long.... it's about a kid who gets sucked into his computer game which is actually a portal to another world, and there he has to save his "Parents," who are actually his adopted parents, but he doesn't find out right away, and his best friend is not who he seems, either.  It's basically Fantasy with a little tiny bit of sci fi thrown in for kicks...  By Fantasy I mean that he (The main character) fights demons with a sword and stuff, and his buddy uses magic and soforth.  It was pretty good for me just being like 13 years old, I guess.

Last summer I wrote a 16 page short story entitled "The Adventures of Felicity the Sparrow and Gregory the Lawn Gnome."  It was originially going to be entered in a scholarship contest that was about writing a sci-fi story (17,000 words or less), and so that's what it was, a mix of sci-fi and a little fantasy (animals that can talk.)   But, eventually it ended up being a sort of romance novel, paralleling my dreams about what would happen if I would tell this one girl what I really thought about her...

If you want to read any of 'em you can email me

NovaProgramming@Gmail.com
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ovaProgramming.

One night I had a dream where I was breaking balls.  The next morning, BALLSBREAKER was born.

Quote from: "Haye, Phillip J."
 Excellent.  Now you can have things without paying for them.

BALLSBREAKER 2
~-_-Status Report-_-~
Engine: 94%
Graphics: 95%
Sound: 100%
A Severe Error has crippled BB2 for the time being... I have to figure it out, but until then you won't see much of it Sad.
-----------------------------
aetherfox
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« Reply #24 on: January 05, 2005, 06:38:22 PM »

I stopped writing when I dropped English at GCSE.  The last piece of coursework I did was this creative writing piece...it was a two page short story that used time and perspective fracturing.  I was extremely proud of it...and I aced it grade-wise Cheesy

Nowadays, I do improvised poetry.  http://aetherfox.deviantart.com has three of my poems.

Every single piece of creative writing I have ever done (that includes lyrics, plots, game stories, short stories, english language creative writing coursework) has been done in one sitting.  I don't believe in taking two sittings to do something creative.  Hence, every poem that I do will be done in 5, mas 10 minutes, from concept to though to typing to finishing.
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avinash.vora - http://www.avinashv.net
NovaProgramming
Been there, done that
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« Reply #25 on: January 06, 2005, 03:15:14 AM »

I am currently writing a short story entitled
Code:
The Picayune Life of Lucas Delabouve
 Where it's basically just this average kid who has a not-so average life.  It's going to be the most randomest unreal things that I can think of all rolled into one.  I don't know exactly what's going to happen in the story, but I know that in the end a space penguin becomes emperor of the world.  Thus, it's probably going to go on and on, what with rips in space/time and global warfare, setting up a wordly dictatorship and what have you.  Not sure quite yet.   He's just going to school for now, a school that's frikin' insane.  Yep.  It's good though.
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ovaProgramming.

One night I had a dream where I was breaking balls.  The next morning, BALLSBREAKER was born.

Quote from: "Haye, Phillip J."
 Excellent.  Now you can have things without paying for them.

BALLSBREAKER 2
~-_-Status Report-_-~
Engine: 94%
Graphics: 95%
Sound: 100%
A Severe Error has crippled BB2 for the time being... I have to figure it out, but until then you won't see much of it Sad.
-----------------------------
speedlemon
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« Reply #26 on: January 06, 2005, 06:49:22 PM »

you're obsessed with penguins arent you

i try to write a story. but it turns out bad
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Rokkuman
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« Reply #27 on: January 06, 2005, 06:52:15 PM »

Quote from: "speedlemon"
you're obsessed with penguins arent you

i try to write a story. but it turns out bad


I still want to read it.
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NovaProgramming
Been there, done that
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Posts: 1025



« Reply #28 on: January 06, 2005, 06:56:47 PM »

I never said anything about penguins before, what would warrant me to be obsessed with them?
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ovaProgramming.

One night I had a dream where I was breaking balls.  The next morning, BALLSBREAKER was born.

Quote from: "Haye, Phillip J."
 Excellent.  Now you can have things without paying for them.

BALLSBREAKER 2
~-_-Status Report-_-~
Engine: 94%
Graphics: 95%
Sound: 100%
A Severe Error has crippled BB2 for the time being... I have to figure it out, but until then you won't see much of it Sad.
-----------------------------
speedlemon
I hold this place together
*****
Posts: 874



« Reply #29 on: January 06, 2005, 06:57:07 PM »

you want to read about 1.5 paragraphs thats seriously retarded compared to all the stories here.
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